A Job At Last!!!

Well, finally, after 3 long months of searching, I have gotten a job!! It isn't my ideal (what job really is?) but the pros far outweigh the cons, it's what I've been doing for the past 5 years, and it's something I "love", so I am not complaining. I will be a Case Manager (field nurse) for a hospice called Seasons. They started in Chicago and have expanded all over the western US. They have an office in Ft. Worth which has branched into Dallas, and I will be working out of the Dallas office. Right now it is still a part of Ft. Worth, but will soon be a "place of it's own" once all the staffing is finished. They are going to try to give me the patients on this side of Dallas, which will be good. There are some things I will have to learn and get used to, of course -- major thing is finding my way around! (That is the down side -- the driving. I was hoping for a more "sedentary" job at this point in my life.) But I've been doing pretty well getting around now with my GPS and trusty Google maps, so I think I'll be okay. I just hope my truck -- and my body! -- hold up for a few more years!

And now maybe I will be able to find a place of my own and my kids can have their home back! They have been so wonderful giving me a place to live, but I know it isn't easy having someone else share your life so closely. Once I'm out, they will be able to expand -- move the kids around with the extra bedroom and get ready for the new baby. And their lives will get back to "normal" again.

I must admit, I am going to miss being here. With Janie being so sick, I've tried to get up in the mornings to take care of Maiya and Cora so she can sleep, and I'll miss that time with them. I am sure there was more TV time than maybe there should have been, but I tried to keep it with Dora & Diego & Jungle Junction & the word show and whatever might be considered "educational". We read books sometimes, and played "babies", so it wasn't all TV. And I tried a "star and reward" deal with the 3 older ones just to help with things around the house. At least they are hanging up their bookbags now without being told! I am not sure it accomplished anything else but hey, one thing is better than none!

I have tried to be "helpful" while I'm here. With no income I can't really pay rent, but I've bought groceries and such now and then. Mostly though, I've tried to take some of the work off Janie and Kyle by helping around the house (helping with laundry, cooking, helping Kyle clean, trying to get the kids to "pick up", taking Maiya to school, taking care of her and Cora during the day like I said). It's made me feel good to help out when Janie has been so sick -- I felt like I was taking some of the load off her when she wasn't able to do things herself. Whatever I've done has been out of love and gratitude. Nothing else. The joy I have felt being close to Kyle, whom I love and admire and am so proud of as a son and husband and father; to Janie, a daughter-in-law I love like the daughter I never had, a wonderful wife & mother; and of course to all the "kids", has been beyond measure. I have felt comfort in the spiritual aspect of their lives, and pride in their accomplishments. None of that will change.

Soon, if all goes well, I will be "Nana who lives in the neighborhood", and "the original plan" will be back on track. And, at least until the new baby comes, life will get back to some semblance of normal.

Faithful Furry Friend

Do you have a "faithful furry friend"? If you do, you are very lucky. If you don't, you don't know what you're missing.

Pets have a way of creeping into our hearts whether we want them to or not. And once you let them in, they change your life. They don't ask for much -- just food, water, shelter, and love. And what they give in return is totally amazing!! They never complain, never question. They are always there offering comfort, companionship, and warmth. They show concern when you don't feel well, or are depressed. They are playful and upbeat when you are happy. They often tolerate the attention of little children, even when that attention is a little rough or annoying. They become part of the family and when they leave us, we feel their loss almost as deeply as if they were human.

I have always had dogs. And when the last one died, I swore no more pets. Then my son came home from FL and brought his cat. Her name is Cleo. She looks a little odd -- her face has a dividing line down the center and her coloring is light on one side and darker on the other. She slowly crept into my life, and eventually became "my" cat. When Aaron moved out, she stayed. Not only did she take up residence on my lap when I was watching TV, she became my "assistant tutor", perching on my printer when I was working online with Smarthinking in the evenings. She soon found her way into my bed, sleeping either against my back or laying on my arm. She added comfort when we lost Gram. She made the very long trip to TX with me. She still offers me comfort and companionship, still sleeps beside me, and still lays on the desk, either on my arm or on the keyboard when I'm on the computer. There are days when I feel like she is the only one who cares, the only one who loves me. I know that's not true, but you know what those times are like I'm sure. She doesn't care if I have a job or not, she doesn't care if we have our own "home", she doesn't care about anything except the fact that we are together and have each other. The point is, there are no limits on her feelings, no boundaries on her love. I wonder sometimes why people can't be that way. How different the world would be!

I don't know if animals "go to Heaven" when they leave us -- I hope they do, or at least I hope there is a place like that for them. They deserve it.

If you have a "Cleo", good for you! If not, try it -- you'll like it!

My Valentine - Late Yet Right on Time

Well, I have been feeling really good about my increasing ability to find my way around this "everything is bigger, but it's all laid out on a grid" state -- I have made it to several interviews on my own now and didn't get lost. That's good for someone who has a "directionally challenged" gene firmly imbedded in their makeup!

But that's all I can consider as good lately in the job hunt department. I have been to 3 interviews and still do not have a job. The last one I felt really good about, but it was with a dialysis company and I have no dialysis experience, so I kind of knew if they interviewed someone who did, it would pretty much cancel me out. It was still a disappointment when they told me "no" though. I was feeling like a failure, or a loser, and pretty "down" tonight, but a little angel helped out with that.

Maiya came upstairs with something hiding behind her back, and said "Nana, I have a surprise for you and I want to tell you that I love you best of all very much", then gave me a square of pink paper with a valentine (heart) cut out of the center and a hug and kiss!!

I still don't have a job, but I sure do have a very warm spot right in the middle of my heart, all because of the loving gesture of a little child!!

I know my family loves me, I don't mean to slight them, but it was that little gesture that turned my tears of frustration and depression into tears of gratitude. "And a little child shall lead them".

Progress!

Well, today I ventured out on my own and got the truck inspected, got it registered/licensed, and got my Texas driver's license. That might not sound like a big deal, but each thing had to be done at a different place!! I had to go about 9 miles one way to get the truck inspected. Then I had to go about 10 miles another way to get the registration done and get my new license plates. Then back toward home about 8 miles to get my driver's license. AND I DID IT ALL ON MY OWN with my little Google maps and my trusty GPS. Altogether took me about 3 hours and cost me $250!! (That's not counting gas.)

They told me things were bigger in Texas and they aren't kidding -- the fees for everything are way above what they are in VA. There is no state income tax here though so they have to make revenue somehow.

The day actually went kind of like this:
1 -- go to storage place, pay Feb. rent on it and look for lock box containing birth certificate. (Since I wasn't inside when the nice men put everything in there, I wasn't even sure where to look for the box! Thank goodness it only took me about 15 minutes to find it -- someone was looking over my shoulder on that one!)
2 -- go to bank and get cash. The tax (registration) office and DMV won't take debit cards, you need cash or a check -- and they won't take a check without a TX driver's license, which, by the way, you can't get until you have your proof of inspection and your registration!! DUH!!
3 -- get truck inspected ($40) after showing proof of insurance (thank goodness it passed!)
4 -- take inspection receipt, old registration, and proof of insurance to tax office and get truck registered and get new license plates (I just got regular ones -- at $180 for "ordinary", I was afraid to ask for "vanity" plates!)
5 -- take proof of insurance, registration receipt, VA driver's license, social security card, and birth certificate to DMV and get TX driver's license (which will be here in 3-4 weeks)($25)
6 -- stop at WalMart on way home and pick up tums and benadryl for heartburn and sinus headache! (Just kidding -- I did do that but the heartburn and sinus headache aren't new. That was yesterday!)

Actually I'm kind of amazed it only took 3 hours!!

The best part though, was that I did it all on my own, so I guess that just goes to prove what Janie and Kyle said -- I CAN find my way around if I just take my time and use the "tools" available to me like Google maps and the GPS. I knew that GPS would come in handy for me here!!

It was a good day today!

A rose isn't always a rose

Checked into what I would get if I retired in March (my birthday) and was very disappointed. Even with my pension from the hospital in PA I would only get roughly twice what I see houses -- and even apartments -- renting for here. So the idea of retiring early that looked good before has now taken on a not-so-good appearance. I could get a part-time job and earn up to $1000/mo and not lose any of my retirement pay, but again, I'd still have rent, utilities, a truck payment (for a while), food, and health insurance to worry about for 2 years before I could get Medicare. Not sure that's really a viable option.

If I don't soon get a job, I may have no choice, but hopefully things will change in that department. The next time someone calls with a job offer (and pray there will actually BE a next time!) I will take it no matter what it is and be grateful for it!! The phrase "beggers can't be choosers" is taking on a whole new meaning for me. Who knows, what I don't particularly want may turn out to be the best job ever!!

Decisions

Note: I debated about publishing this because I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but then I've been told that blogging is a way of "journaling" and putting your thoughts and feelings into words. Well, these are my thoughts and feelings and right or wrong, I'm just honestly expressing them. I hope no one takes what I say wrong.

Did you ever make a decision and even though in your heart you knew it was right, you begin in your head to question yourself? I've been doing that a bit since yesterday afternoon.

I KNOW my decision to move to Texas was the right thing, at least for me. I missed my grandkids so much, and felt I was missing out on all the milestones in their lives even though I was fortunate to be able to come here for both Ben and Ella's baptisms and to attend all 4 of their Blessings. Maybe that decision to move here was selfish of me, but Janie and Kyle seemed happy to have me come and be nearby.

At least that was the intent -- the "nearby" part of it. As in having my own place. Not living under their roof. I messed up with renting the house and that fell through, but I try to look at that as a blessing in disguise, because the "getting a job quickly" part of the plan has fallen through too.

And I think I screwed that up the other afternoon. The job thing I mean. I got a call from the people who set up the Hospice interview and they said the company wanted to offer me a home health position. I was taken off guard a little and didn't show the enthusiasm I should have, made a few comments I shouldn't have (like the fact that I was hoping for hospice, and that I was hesitant about field work & was kind of hoping for an admin type job) but I told them I would consider it. I asked where it was and they said Allen (good -- 15 minutes away) but they couldn't answer my questions of would I be the only RN, what "territory" would it actually cover, what was the case load. The guy got a little forceful (I think) when talking about salary -- asked me what I expected and I told him, then he said "well if you aren't going to take the job we're not going to spend time negotiating money". I can understand that -- it's his job to find people jobs and that's how he gets paid. But at the same time I am not going to agree to take a job when my questions aren't answered, and in addition no one has told me anything about benefits. I told him to let me know what they said and he said he would call back "in a half hour or so, stay by your phone". That was over 2 days ago and I still haven't had a call back. So I guess I blew it. Lesson learned, even if it was the hard way.

J&K both said that I shouldn't worry about finding my way around, that if I can navigate Danville, I can navigate out here because of the way things are "layed out in a grid" and are easy to find once you get that down pat. I probably won't have too much trouble -- I have already gone to interviews on my own and most of the time can find my way to the bank (occasionally going through Hokaphonia!) and WalMart, the post office, etc. And as they say, if I don't like the job I can always quit. Problem is, as I told Kyle, I have a hard time showing enthusiasm for a job I'm not sure I want, and besides I am not going to agree to something blindly without having more information about it. Maybe I don't have the right attitude. Maybe I should change it to "take a job, any job, and deal with it". I don't know.

So, my decision to be honest in answering questions has apparently not been the right one. And now they are stuck with me here for who knows how long before something else turns up and I can get my own place less "nearby" than under their roof. I know they are just trying to help and I love them for it, but I also know how I feel. And right now I am feeling like a pain in the _____ for them. I don't feel like I am "paying my way" at all, just living off their generosity, and that is REALLY bothering me. I'm sure they'd like things back the way they were before I moved in here. And again, being honest, I'd like my own place. But I don't know what else to do right now.

Every day I send out (online) at least 2 or 3 applications. I've even sent to some places twice. I thought it would be easier than this. "Nurses are ALWAYS in demand, you won't have any trouble at all getting a job with your experience." Right. Someone forgot to mention that they want YOUNG nurses with experience (I think that's an oxymoron!), not experienced nurses who are OLD.

I am not sure I'll publish this. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Janie told me today I am too nice, and although that sounds like a good thing, sometimes it's not. I'll have to think about it and read it again. I am pretty sure Janie is the only one who ever reads what I write, and I don't want her to think I am ungrateful for all she and Kyle are doing. I'm not. I'm just me. And right now I am feeling kind of stupid and wondering if I did make the right decision by coming here. Again, I know in my heart I did, but my head is making me doubt that decision.

Do You Know the Way -- to Hokaphonia???

Today I went to the bank and to WalMart and Maiya went along. When we left the house I once again turned the wrong way (I keep doing that!) and ended up not being on the right road. I learned the other day however, if I go straight across the wrong road and through the housing development across the road, I will come out where I need to be, so that is what I did. Maiya needless to say was confused. "This not the way to the bank" she informed me. I told her it was a different way, the scenic route, and that I really did know how to get there. She asked me if I knew how to get to Disney World (yes, on a plane) -- how about California (yes, on a plane too, although I was then told you could also get there by driving a car). Then as she was looking at the scenery, she said "I know where we are now -- this is Hokaphonia"!! (Hope I spelled that right!) I was told that Hokaphonia was really a pretty place with gas and houses and yards and the reason that she knows all this is because "I'm smart!" When we left the bank (yes, it is in Hokaphonia too) and were headed to WalMart, she asked me if we were going back to Texas or were we just going to stay in Hokaphonia. Then she said we better go back to Texas "coz that's where us house is".

So if you ever get bored or just want to take a little side trip, come get Maiya and she will take you to Hokaphonia -- or some other equally facinating place, I'm sure!! I know one thing -- you won't be bored!!